A book

I have just completed a book over the holiday. OK, I took quite a while since it was a good book to reflect on so many things within. A very thin book.

 

This is really a book worth reading. I have been reading many of such genre.  Old man sharing about life. But this one is good. I can identify with so many of the things that he wrote. I wished everybody will read it.

I have highlighted many parts of this book. There is one in the chapter 'Being "Productive"' that I want to share:

We live in a world that seems to be lacking kindness and compassion..... How many people in the audience bring pleasure to the lives of another living being every day? ... So what does it mean to be productive? ... But what if we just sit with someone and show compassion? ... I don't need to change the world. But the day is better when I am able to share an intimate moment with someone, listen in a way someone has not been listened to before, or tell a story that gets someone thinking differently. Then I feel my day is productive, and I feel grateful for having lived it.... When you show compassion - and when you receive it - you are being productive. I hope no one will be able to convince you otherwise.

We ought to read and think about these words.

A father's chronicle (A tradition to be handled down)

Today is the second day of the Lunar New Year. It marks a milestone for me. I am beginning a tradition. A tradition of writing. Writing from a father to his son. Not the electronic form, but the old-fashioned hand written letter. Posted. Snail mail.

I have been wanting to write to Theophilus for quite some time now. Like what I wrote in my letter to him:

I think it is a strange thing to have a father writing to his son when all he needs to do is called out his son's name. But, I think writing is a very precious thing. Our writing shows our inner character and thoughts. Even the strength of our hand writing protrays or betrays our many emotions.

So, I have started on a new journey. A journey of words. A journey with my son. And hopefully, from this point forth, he will hand this tradition down to our sons to come. Letters between father and son. To share on our thoughts, our world view on so many topics. Of our struggles. Our failures and success. Our hopes and our prayers.

Today, I started a tradition.

A christian father's chronicle (Proverbs 12:1)

Last night Yan was reading Proverbs to the children.

Proverbs 12:1 (New International Version)

¹ Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,

       but he who hates correction is stupid.

The last word caught Gracia's attention. She has been disobedient the whole day and when the word was read, she cried! Literally, she could not contain it. She does not want to be stupid. She wants to clever. A clever girl. And she wonders whether she will be 'not stupid anymore'.

We prayed together as a family and seek God's wisdom to love discipline. When we love the discipline that God place in our lives, we love Him. Not that we will enjoy the discipline while we go through it, but we have the safe assurance that He does it for our good and it will turn out that way in the end.

A father's chronicle (Joining a club)

Last week, Theophilus went for an assessment. I guess it must be very popular to join the Robotics club that's why they need the children to go through an assessment.

Anyhow, he went through the test and I must say that he came home quite devastated.

They said very plainly that since there are limited number of places in the club, those who didn't pass the test should "get lost". That hit him quite hard and I guess were really quite a cruel word tool to other children as well. He cried when he reached home recalling quite a few of those questions he was unable to do.

I sat there quietly as Yan relate the incident to me. I guess those questions must have needed his spatial imagination quite a lot. Anyway, we comforted him and assured him that if he is serious about it, we could always do Robotics on our own (yes, we do have Lego Mindstorm and I even developed an IDE for him so that he can program the brick). Furthermore, we could even sign up as independent contestant to compete with his school too. It all depends on how determine he is on this learning.

This evening, I received a suprise message on my mobile.

Dad, igot accepted in2 robotics.

A short SMS. He wanted to share with me his joy. I rejoiced too. It is what he wanted.

Just before he sleeps, I asked him

So, you want to learn computer programming?

And he said 'yes'.

Being in the IT line, I really do not like the idea that my kids end up in this line too. Then again, I wonder whether I should block the way entirely and not leave it to his heart's desire.

Congras, son. I am happy for you.

A father's chronicle (Drawings)

Gracia has been drawing quite a lot these days. Most of them have a common theme - family. They depict her happy childhood and fun time with family. Here is one of her sample:

No prize for identifying where is she standing. It is interesting to note that she is drawing herself besides Theophilus. She used to draw herself between Yan and the brother (the place that I am standing now). I guess she has finally found confidence in our love for her and no longer feel a need to be near Yan.

Yan has done a great job in bringing them up.

Why do we pay to "abuse" our bodies?

It is an inevitable question. I knew it will be coming. It is really silly. Yan read it in one of the magazine. The editor who used to run in marathon actually commented that people who do the full marathon run is: crazy!

So while having a farewell lunch today for a college, who incidentally going for the full marathon this Sunday like me, a friend commented: Why people pay money to torture themselves like that? 

Well, I can't say it better than what I found in the "The Mystique of The Marathon" which appears in Marathon: The Ultimate Training Guide. You can read it here.

Overall, it is the enjoyment of knowing myself through the training. There are fears to overcome. I must admit that there was an occasion in my training, I actually gave up in one of my long runs. It took me a week to overcome that fear and prepare myself adequately for an even longer run (just to prove to myself that I can do it, and it was just due to fatigue or inadequate rest in the night before).

A father's chronicle (ASHR 2009)

By now, not only does Theophilus gets enrolled into Kumons. Gracia is also enrolled into Kumons for Maths.

Today marks a new chapter for both of them again. Gracia's first bronze medal for Maths and Theophilus' first silver for Chinese.

Gracia was the first one to collect her medal.

She is too excited, and could not sit still.

Kudos to Mr. Yang (Chief Instructor). He spoke little, but what he spoke about makes good sense to me. We gathered to show to our kids that their achievement meant something big to us. Something important. Something worth celebrating about. By the way, very seldom do we see him in tie. He really dressed up for the kids. That is such a nice gesture.

Ah, that's my girl!

The signature smile and "V"

And now Theophilus' turn....

Well, done my boy! Well done.

 

Taking some shots just outside of the auditorium.

Brother and sister celebrating today

 

Gracia would not take her medal off... she is dozing off soon...

As for Theophilus? Well, it is his first silver. He has gold before, so this is unique to him.

Overall, it was a wonderful time celebrating their success. Theophilus wants to go for the gold medal next year. It will be a lot of hard work. Lots of hard work.

A christian father's chronicle (Worrying reports)

It has been with me for a week. A conversation with a fellow parent. A parent of my son's friend. She has brought me a  report about an unexplainable exodus of preachers at Pei Hwa Presbyterian Primary School. I sat there motionless and speechless.

I queried anxiously of the reason behind their departure. Theophilus came home one evening, I recalled, and mentioned that one of the preacher is leaving. I didn't realized that that was the second one to go, and the last one leaves when the school terms ended.

Needless to say, I am concerned. The primary reason why we have chosen this school is because of its rich christian influence. Chapel sessions. Verses on walls. Last year, I wrote on this.

I am left wondering whether are there other parents who might have similar concerns. What is the reason behind their departure? Why all of them are leaving? I am a little upset that the leadership of the school (including the board) did not address this area through writing to the parents.

I hope they address the root cause of this exodus soon, else we (as parents) will need to do something about it.

One more week to go...

After preparing since August, it is only left with seven more days to the actual run.

Ten days ago, I received a pleasant surprise - I won the chance to collect my race pack one week earlier! So, this morning after sending Gracia to church camp, Yan and I drove down to Marina Bay to collect my race pack.

Here is my race bib

Yan will be pinning this on my top later, how wonderful!

Preparing for marathon

OK, many things happened between the last blog and today. Gracia's birthday, we went for a break overseas, work went crazy once again, etc.

Now, with only 45 days to the marathon, I have been preparing for it regularly. I must admit that it is a wonderful learning experience of my body and mind. I have been gradually increasing my distance and time on the road. And, yes, I did get my black toenails. For those who are worried a little about black toenail after your runs, you might want to take some comfort from a fellow runner (including myself).

Today, Gary showed me a cool application which can be downloaded to a Nokia phone. It is the Sports Tracker. It is a wonderful thing. I wished I have one to run with as I clocked my timing and distance.... but this is a luxury, since I use google maps to plot my route and measure the distance of my route. Anyhow, I must admit that it is very wonderful piece of application. Well, at least it is better than the Polar sport watch. You can't speak to a watch yet unless your are wearing one of those James Bond stuff, right?

Right now, I am only doing two half-marathon runs per week. I doubt I can complete my full training prior to the actual run itself. I might be able to do a trail run just a week away from the actual, but I will see how it goes. I just have to leave the rest of the training to the actual day as part of my endurance bit. I should be upping my distance soon (while cutting down on my timing). I did manage to shave off 10 mins from my last half-marathon attempt. I hope to shave off some more minutes tomorrow. Changing my shoe lacing too to get a better foot secure to the shoe.

Looking forward for a gentle ramp down of my training after next week to a few 10 km runs with good timing targets.

Yan has been supportive of my runs. We bought a new pair of running shoes for me. We have been strategizing on how I should attack the full 42.1 km. I gotten a Northface hydration pack. Hydration is one of the important factor for sustain performance for long distance. It is really water discipline. The hydration control is really something that each runner will have to learn about his own body, I guess. And this is one of those part that I enjoy about my runs. I get to learn how much water I need at a particular distance, and when will the hunger comes in.

That's all for now, I hope I will enjoy the run tomorrow.

Let me go home

It has been a very busy period of six months. If you notice, I left off my blogs since middle of January. That was the time my team back in office starts to restructure and I am still at the tail end of this restructuring. It has taken a lot of my energy and time - not to forget adding on more thinking and worries.

I hope to get back to my blogs. And perhaps, back date some of my post. Along the way, many things happened. I made friendship. We celebrated National Day as a family. I bought a camera - something that I wanted for a long time.

I am back after a long trip out to Oakland, California. My wish is to come home. To be home.

Home to those who I love. Friends, family members. I miss them all. Not to mention the food in Singapore!

Ah, I have signed up for the year's end marathon. Looking forward to it and trying to squeeze in time in between my current schedule for the training of this event.

A Christian father's chronicles (What I like about his school)

I am back from work.

Yan brought to my attention an interesting card she gotten from Theophilus. They are giving such cards out to the students. Here is a sample of it:



I am really amazed at it. Theophilus likes this card. We like it too. It contains a cartoon with a little prayer. A prayer. A prayer which he can follow with all his heart. In honesty. The words expressed his desire.

I am so happy that we have opted for this school. If you have read my previous blog, you will know the reason we choose this school. Now, I am just beginning to realize the fruits of our decision and thankful to God for supply him the opportunity to study in such an environment.

Bless those who prepare this. It ended in the hands of a child. It ended in the heart of a child. A seed sowed.

A father's chronicles (Gracia's drawings)

Thought her drawings were really great, and she was having so much fun drawing me and her brother Theophilus....



Errr... I could not fit the full drawing into my scanner... so the lower right portion got a bit of "un-scanned". Oh, yes, she draw everything ... including the words.

And here is his mental picture of her brother...



Again, the top part of it could not fit into my scanner... apologies.

She was having so much fun with Yan. We "pin" it up on our walls. They are her latest master pieces.

A father's chronicles (Brave and Courage)

One of the good thing that came out of Theophilus' good appetite of reading is that I get to read some of his books too. And I must admit that we are quite good at getting nice books for him. Reading is a very sensitive thing. We feed our brains with tons of things, and if we get poor quality content books, the result can be quite destructive.

Anyhow, the book that I read was Number the Stars by Lois Lowry. You can find it here.

Quite a nice book - you got to bear with the slow moving start, but it moves better subsequently.

Here is an abstract of it which I find it very good.

"But," he went on, as his hands moved with their sure and practiced motion, "I will tell you just a little, because you were so very brave."

"Brave?" Annemarie asked, surprised. "No, I wasn't. I was very frightened."

"You risked your life."

"But I didn't even think about that! I was only thinking of - "

He interrupted her, smiling, "That's all that brave means - not thinking of the dangers. Just thinking about what you must do. Of course you were frightened. I was too, today. But you kept your mind on what you had to do. So did I....."

Well, I often asked myself whether that is bravery or courage. To some, that is nothing but semantics, and perhaps it really is.

For Aristotle, courage is dependent on sound judgement, for it needs to be known whether the end justifies the risk incurred. Similarly, courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to feel the appropriate amount of fear.

To me, courage is really doing what is right in spite of fear. I often do not see "Brave" having this notion, even though above passage puts it that way. In fact, most of the time, I do have the picture of "recklessness" for bravery, which I do not feel in the fabric of "courageous".

I admit I am not a good student of language, so I should not be too dogmatic about this.

Whatever it is, I want my children to know that doing the right thing does not mean that there is no fear. As a father, my role is very important. The first step is not to teach about bravery or being courageous. The first step that we should embark is: teaching them what is right.

Without knowing and understanding the truth, our sacrifice could be wrongly directed and misguided.

A father's chronicles (Zoo again)

We renewed our Zoo membership (again)!

I guess this is one membership that young parents are usually armed with. My company do have weekend tickets to the Zoo, but to queue for the opportunity to get the ticket will take far too long. So, a renewal is inevitable. Anyhow, it can be quite fun. Theophilus has been to the Zoo for so many times that he recognized most of the corners by now. Well.... almost every. The good part of the Singapore Zoological Gardens is that they do upgrade it ever so often. That to me is really good value.

Here are some pictures taken in our recent trip.




What do you think the giraffe is doing? He got really nice eye-lashes...



Taking shots of feeding that tall fellow can be really tricky, you got to do it really quick.

Sometimes, it licks your hand too...



The new play site is up. The kids took a little ride.






Overall enjoyment points: 85.

A father's chronicles (Gracia's birthday celebrations)

She is three. Three wonderful years. Three years which is filled with laughter, worries, hopes and smiles. She is so different from Theophilus.

As usual, birthdays is not celebrated in a single day. There are quite a few days of celebration (not to mention the company).

The similarity between Gracia and Theophilus is their view towards birthday: It is not the gifts. It is the singing of birthday song, the happy moods that really brighten them up. They could very well be happy with any birthday gifts. They are just happy to have everybody around to clap along and sing them the birthday song.



You should be able to see her smile quite visibly. She is delighted - yes, we are singing her the birthday song at grand-ma's place.





Aunty Eunice gave her a big gift.

She celebrated in school with her classmates too.





And how can the brother stay away from his only sister's celebration?

Kent Ridge Park

We have a nice late morning walk with Theophilus' cousins at Kent Ridge Park today. Here are my two kids... very few shots taken...



If Dad can do the vertical rob climb, I can do too... let me teach you...

A father's chronicle (Grade 1)

He did his grade 1 piano exams in July (couldn't recall actually, but I only recalled that I prayed quite a few times for his piano exams on the day itself). And now his results is out.

Yes, he made it! Hurray!



He took a photo-shoot with his piano teacher.

Well done for the first grade!

Couldn't help it.... we celebrated! Ha ha ha ha...

Apology, forgiveness and friendship (A father's chronicle)

Lately, I came across a rather interesting situation which brought me to a few days of deliberation. It came from an incident in Theophilus' class. To make the story short - he apparently have offended a mild tempered classmate to the point of great anger.

Nay, that's not the interesting part. The interesting part was that Theophilus was told that his classmate will not forgive him (unless punishment is met out) and that he needs to earn back his friendship. Yes, even with apologies given, forgiveness is not given.

I am not really upset with not getting the forgiveness, what I was truly sadden was the apparent lack of wisdom that it was not quickly pointed out that forgiveness is NOT earned. It cannot be earned. Apology is not the price of forgiveness. Having said that, it is not to say that there is no ground for apologies when one has done wrong. Repentance is the evidence of the authenticity of an apology.

Again, I must restate the point: forgiveness cannot be earned. It is actually given. Given (willing) by the offended party. It cannot be bought. Punishment does not bring about forgiveness. This is that part that I felt was not really taught correctly to Theophilus in the incident that occurred in school. This has to be pointed out and taught. And the more interesting part is that the offended is often required to let the offender knows of the offence - at least from a biblical perspective.

The other interesting lesson was that Theophilus was taught to earn back his friendship. As much as this might sound right, it is still wrong. We do not earn friendship. Friendship, like forgiveness and love are given. Given to another, freely and willingly. What does it mean to earn back your friendship? To loose a friendship has to be initiated by the one who gave it out. He takes back what he has given freely.

So when Theophilus offends someone, the burden is on the offended to point out the offence. The bad part is that most of us are scared to take this step. Reason is simple: we are afraid of a second blow - being waved off as a trivial matter when you bring up the subject to the offender. But how can we ever reconcile or allow the chance for the offender to see what he has done if it is not told to him? We are blind in so many of our ways, and our sensitivity varies from one to another. So, it is the duty of the offended to bring the offence to the offender.

It is the duty of the offender to consider the offence to the offenced, and not trivialize it. An apology is required. An apology is not a magical wane. It does not remove the pain which the offence brings along as a sting. It is just a statement of an genuine attempt to see the entire offence from the offended's point of view. To understand the hurt. It is not to be used as part of the "repayment". It can never justify the offence. True "sorry" is really shown subsequently, and that's the test of character. For our words will be weighed by our character which is displayed through our actions.

It is through the apology-forgiveness-repentance-reconcilation cycle that friendships are restored. For in those moments of tension, friendship could be abruptly disrupted. Friendship is withdrawn from the offended. However, friendship is offered afreshed once reconcilation takes place. Forgiveness is given. Repentence lived out. Friendship offered. Repentence is not the wages to friendship, neither is it part of the wages for forgiveness. Punishment is just part of the equation to justice. It is not part of the equation of forgiveness. Both friendships and forgiveness are gifts. And can only be genuinely given out when you truly want to leave the past and move forward with the relationship.

There are duties to both parties. But it is wrong to teach him that he needs to earn back his friendship. And it is wrong to put the burden of forgiveness upon his shoulders when he is the offender. His burdens are of a different set.... he needs to live out his repentance.

A walk among the silent

It's holiday here. 4th July. Independence Day. Back home, I hardly find the time to be with myself. Now, I have the opportunity to take a walk among the silent. I am not going to join the crowd in Jack London Square.

I like to take a walk to the cemetery. Last week, I took a walk to the lake. I find it surprising that people give me a morbid look when I bring up this point. Sure, it is not an everyday place to walk around. Then again, if death is a certainty, shouldn't we contemplate about it and take a stroll around the park where you are going to hang around for quite some time?

Unlike the way when I was in Munich some 10 years back, the walk around the Jewish cemetery was different. I surveyed the tombstone. Desperately trying to figure out the Hebrew inscriptions, reading out their names in my mind.

This is the first Hebrew community that settled in Oakland.



BTW, the walk from 10th street from Broadway took me an hour, so by the time I reached the Jewish cemetery, I was quite thirsty. Two sips of water, and that will do. Water discipline, they used to call that in my military training.



As I said, I read their names. The year they were born and died. Taking a mental average of lifespan.





Reading the words or inscriptions on the tombstone. There were a few variants:

1. XXYY, beloved son/father/grandfather...
2. XXYY, loving husband/father/grandfather...
3. XXYY born DDMMYYYY, died DDMMYYYY

Very seldom do I come across:

XXYY, loving and beloved...

People are treasured by relationships. These relationships are marked by the love you give and the love you received. They are finally ropes that still remains after you leave.

As simple and obvious as it is, it is often missed out that relationships are only forged through time and devotion. Time and devotion are the base commodity when we want to have relationships. Yet, how often we give that up for something else. We trade it with career. We trade it with folly.

There were a few other tombstones that struck me hard. One of them belonged to a father and a son. It only have the left side of the tombstone marked, therefore, I presumed that the wife/mother is still surviving. He was six when he died. He was forty. For that six years, he must have been their joy. Barely three years after the boy died, the father passed away too. A complete tragedy. Reminds me of Naomi in the book of Ruth.

I walked further. Snapping pictures of the serendipity. Yes, one of the greatness of coming over to the cemetery is that nobody is going to quarrel with me. Nobody is going to scold me, or shout at me, or demand me to do things or tasks. It is quiet. Time is somewhat frozen. It is good. I like it. I like the convenience of city life, but I like the peacefulness here.

The last tombstone that struck me was one which have kept me thinking. It must have belonged to a baby. Death has no respect for age.

It was a sad story. Written by a brother to another.

To my baby brother... born 6 months 24 days.

I felt the pain. I am lost to what tragedy happened that rapped off the joy of a new coming. It was a terrible sight. The words were few.

I sipped in the last look, capturing the sights and sound or lack of it. Embedding it into my being. Regaining strength within. Returning to humility that God still holds our every breadth, and I am not immune to death. I need to focus on what I really want to do with this short journey in light of the lessons I have learned from the tombstones.